The Law of One Line is simple.

When there is more than one branch of anything offering the exact same thing – it could be 2 toilet stalls, 3 ATMs, 4 cashiers, etc – the fairest and most efficient way of queuing up would be in…ONE LINE. That way, when one of the branch opens up, whoever got there first, gets serviced first.

It makes so much sense!

But nooooo….some people (most Singaporeans) just don’t know that the Law of One Line exists (well, I guess comparing to mainland Chinese that don’t even know that the Law of Any Line exists, it’s not so bad).

Great example was when we went to Little Bali 2 weeks ago to celebrate David’s birthday (great place btw…BOOB reunion!!). There were only 2 stalls for the chicks. I got there and there were already 2 girls, standing outside one stall each. Bugger, I thought, they could so have made just one line! I stood behind the girl on the right knowing it’s a gamble. It was a gamble I won. It ended up that girl on the left stall was still waiting outside by the time I got out (I was 2 girls behind). Nyuk nyuk! She got the Shit-Stall! Mwahahaha! See!, I thought to myself, if you had followed the Law of One Line, you’d have gotten in before I did!

Sigh. The Law of One Line. Such a beautiful thing that no one else seems to appreciate in this country unless a manager puts up ropes, signs and arrows, just like our government does all over this nation.

…oh how I hate it.

I’m not talking about Biz Writing, which is great. Once I got the hang of it, I think I have done well in getting my writing straight to my credit point. I didn’t start off like that.

BizSpeak is something else. It’s airy-fairy words like “value-add”, “shifting investment paradigm”, that aggregate to nothing.

As part of my job, I have to learn about what businesses do to make money. In most cases, SEC filings are a great source. But in places like, oh, say, Japan, I needed to find out exactly what the business did and I read through the whole profile and still did not know what the hell they were trying to tell me.

Take this for example:

“ABC Co. takes great pride in combining the experience and expertise needed to overcome these challenges and provide int’l clients with value-added investment opportunities and related services on a highly professional, cross-border basis…(we are in ) business of offering solutions that meet the various needs of customers relating to assets, liabilities or capital…”

Add to that, a whole bunch of fancy tables, circles, arrows, charts, diagrams, that basically tell me…nothing. I’m all for putting in a table that shows quickly what would take 4 paragraphs to describe. It’s another thing putting in 10 charts and arrows to show me what 1 sentence could elucidate. I blame powerpoint (Re: my quibble about business courses.)

It’s very annoying and a bloody waste of time & print-space.

What can I say? After a month of LASIK, my eyes are as close to perfect as I could ever imagine. I’m looking at life through an LCD screen now; everythings sharp, clear and spectacular.

Best sign of recovery is that I have stopped obsessing over my eyesight, constantly check my left, right, left, right eyes. If I concentrate real hard, my right eye still has mild ghosting, especially under artificial light, but if I’m looking at things (not words) outside, I can’t tell any difference.

I slept without my eye shields for the first time last night.

Success! At last! Whoohoo!

And now, to maintain it. I have been more conscious of giving myself eye-breaks at work (look away from computer every 15min) and reading only under good light.

S$4,500 well spent.

I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHOOHOOOO!!!!!!

This feels abso-fuckin-lutely divine! Given how shitty I felt…

And I just came back from a wonderful weekend in Krabi (details later).

And my eyes have been PERFECT lately!

And I have a wedding in 17 days.

And I’m taking 3 weeks off in August for marriage leave and traveling around Southeast Asia…

FUCKING DIVINE!

Time flies. Time for 3rd week update.

I still have the mild ghosting in my right eye, but it has gotten remarkably better in the last couple of days. I read somewhere that even if my eyes don’t feel dry, I should put the lubricating eyedrops periodically anyway to hasten the healing process (I definitely did not follow instructions in Week 1 when I had to put a drop hourly). I have been doing that, and the right eye has been improving, so maybe that was it. I have also been busy at work, so I find myself going through periods where I don’t notice my eyes as much as I used to in Week 1-2 where I was obsessively covering one eye, checking how bad the double vision is. When I don’t obsessively think about it, my eyes feel perfectly fine.I do have the halos at night still, but as I said, I kinda like it. It makes the nighttime so much cooler. Strangely enough, some things seem much sharper than they used to with glasses, like buildings at night and LCD TV screens…I catch myself going WHOAH! That’s bloody clear!

I miss my eye make-up, specifically, my trademark eye liner. I’m supposed to be allowed to wear it after 10 days. But it’s not the putting on I’m worried about, more the wiping off, which requires some rubbing, which I’m not about to do anytime soon. Oh well, worth the wait.

If I had to take a survey now and give a score:
5. Very Satisfied

4. Satisfied

3. Neutral

2. Dissatisfied

1. Very Dissatisfied

0. What the Fuck?

I would have been about 2.8 in Day 4, 3.5 in Week 1-2 and probably 4.5 in Week 3 today.

You know those peanuts in shell that are garlic flavoured?

How do they make the peanuts garlic flavoured if they are still in the shell? Does garlic permeate through the shell?

It’s a marvelous invention.

How to do it:

Getting off the 186 this morning, which weirdly enough, isn’t air-con at peak hour every friggin’ morning.

Guy1: Just wanted to say that you were the coolest looking person on that bus with that dress.

Me (wearing a long thin white dress that is very cool): Ha ha!
Guy1 walks off another direction, I walk off (that wasn’t a pick-up technically, but a good way to say hello to someone you see on the bus daily).

How not to do it:

Walking out from Raffles MRT after lunch this afternoon.

Guy2: Hello

Me (still walking): er…hello…

Guy2 stares at me for a good 5 seconds without saying anything. We are still walking. I furrow my brows and tilt my head indicating to him “Yesss?” and wondering if he is cuckoo bananas. I walk faster.

Guy2: er…can I get to know you?

Me (spluttering): I’m married! (walks quickly away)

This falls between (3) awkward and (4) Ick!

I joined myspace a couple of days ago because Natalie asked me to and to check out her funny pictures.

In 2 days, I got a whole bunch of ‘Friend Requests’ and messages from a bunch (at least 15) of weirdos asking to be my ‘friend’. When I click on their profile, they usually have a collection of Asian chicks in their ‘friends’ list. Ew. And for some strange reason, the girls will leave comments like “Thanks for the add!” in cutesy gifs.

Thanks for the add?? Why? Do you feel better about yourself that these weirdos wanna add you as their friend for their collection? (rule of spam: try the mass, ya gotta land someone)

Best thing is that I have “Married” in my profile. You’d think they’d filter that out.

This one’s my favorite:

Subject: Are You The Friend I Am Searching For;-)

I’d like to befriend with someone that I can look to as a best friend and that I can laugh with. I enjoy traveling, working out, singing & listening to music, and dining out. I am playful and fun. I believe that the best relationships are based on friendship. I am genuine, kind and compassionate and I am looking for the same in a lady friend.

My ideal match for a friend is the kind of gal that isn’t afraid of being herself. Last but not least, She knows what she wants and goes for it.

If you are the one I am looking for as a friend, please do write to me….and we can meet up for dinner chat okie;-) regards, david

Good luck getting laid, bozo; and great prose too, fuck-wit.

I’m changing my privacy settings right now. And taking down my pic.
dudes love pussy.

and replacing it with this one:

Bukowski loves pussy too

——

update: okay, scratch the above one. This is my favorite message so far:

I am a 23yo guy in singapore who likes to dress like a gal.. I would like to be frens with you.. Do you mind?? Pls mesg me back.. Thanks.. – Joanne

(I haven’t changed my pic yet, in case you are wondering why a transvestite would want to message Bukowski)

Lasik Week 2 has been far better than Week 1 was. Not much changes since last review. I’m definitely getting vision fluctuations though, some days the ghosting is worse than other days. It’s usually in line with how much sleep I get the night before. Yesterday, my vision was clearer than it had ever been. But today, the ghosting is pretty bad (slept late last night), albeit nothing compared to what it was in the first few days post-surgery. There is a gradual improvement as the days pass. More updates in Week 3.

My sister-in-law, Natalie, is back in town (she’s been traveling round SEA for the past 2 months)! Headed to Bintan for a good 2.5hrs on Saturday. Was fun just taking the boat there, having lunch at Mana Mana and heading back. Wish we could have stayed longer, but we had to get home early to prepare her birthday dinner (Happy Birthday Natty!).

I went to Zouk for the first time in months. Natty was in town for her birthday, Behrouz from SF was spinning and I had been given doctor’s clearance to head to a smokey club with my post-Lasik eyes (which are doing great, btw…still mild ghosting in the right eye, which I hope will go away in due time, but nothing I can’t live with). But Zouk was as boring as I last remembered it to be. I mean, I had fun with my friends, but the music was just sooo blah. He got kinda good at about 345am, but just good and not great enough to make my tired feet stand anymore. I need new music.

Sunday was spent pretty much doing nothing all day; Natty and I wanted to recapture watching chick flicks together, so we put on Under the Tuscan Sun. I was all ready for formularic chick cheese, but it was just so bad we couldn’t finish it. It was bad, bad, bad. How did it get even 63% on rotten tomatoes? We wrapped it up with our now-usual Sunday Brewerkz, Simpsons video night and a very very funny phototaking session with the drunk-n-out JMFW. Good times.