I wonder what people overseas would think of Singapore if they follow the Singapore cities guide in The Economist. An extract:

Khoo d’etat

Eric Khoo, Singapore’s top film-maker, is earning plaudits at home and abroad for his latest effort, “Be With Me”. But the movie’s success did not stop a broadside on September 7th from the city-state’s Media Development Authority (MDA). The government group banned posters advertising Mr Khoo’s work, arguing that the depiction of “lesbian intimacy” violated local rules.

Although censors approved the film for audiences over 18, they found the intended advertising—which showed two teenage girls lying in an embrace—to be too much. “One of the guidelines states that posters must not depict or promote homosexual or lesbian intimacy,” the MDA said. Mr Khoo was disgusted. “There’s absolutely nothing that is sensational,” he complained to the local press. “It’s good eye-candy.”

Officers and elephants

Be careful what you say in Singapore, even if you don’t use any words. Police confirmed on September 1st that they are investigating the appearance of eight cartoon-style cut-outs of white elephants that appeared outside a completed—but as-yet-unopened—train station during a ministerial visit. The mute pachyderms appeared to be a novel way for locals to express their annoyance that Buangkok station has yet to open, despite the fact that the line was completed two years ago.

The Straits Times reported that the police received an emergency call about the apparent protest. Although the focus of their probe remains unclear, it is illegal in the tightly run city-state to put up public posters or exhibits without a permit.

That white elephant story is absolutely hilarious, and ingenious. I really want to hear the "emergency call" to the cops, "Mata! Mata! Got elephant! White! Cupboard one! Emergency! Emergency! People are being creative! And different! Mata! Mata!"

Wah lau, please lah!

About Be With Me, I had an issue with the lesbian couple featured on posters not because they were lesbian, but because they were the weakest part of the movie and Teresa should have been on the billboards instead. But Eric Khoo’s probably right…a lesbian couple is eye candy that’ll attract more attention than a dumb, deaf, blind woman.

Although I had a conversation with a friend the other day and she honestly believed that our government is an amoral, pragmatic one, and any restrictions slapped on basis of ‘morality’ (homosexuality, drugs, etc) is a request by the majority of citizens here (e.g. Religious families that don’t want their children growing up around homosexuals…*phht*!). The amoral, pragmatic government will not really care if homosexuality is screened on TV, it’s the moralistic majority of the citizens that desire it, if not there will be the "instability" (*phht!*) in society that our amoral, pragmatic government so fears, that will be an obstacle to its social/economic planning that requires an appeased and hence obedient majority.

I obviously don’t think much (*phht*s are indications) about people worrying about society on a ‘moral’ basis. But my friend does have a valid point, although I’m not sure how ‘amoral’ our government is because the individuals make up the government and there are some very religious/moral decision makers within the government. But how many percent of our population really agrees with our government, honestly?

…is one of the loveliest movies I’ve seen this year. Written by Charlie Kaufman (Being John Malkovich, Adaptation…both of which I loved) and directed by Michel Gondry (Bjork videos), you already know you are in for a treat. I was pleasantly surprised by Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet’s performances and chemistry. The effects were subtle but absolutely insane (in a good way…the fading books at the bookstore was a favorite, so were all the trippy scenes), and the story was both scary and heart-warming at the same time. Very very good.

I wouldn’t erase anything in my brain for anything in the world.

From front page of The Financial Times today:

Bush in plea to cut use of cars and energy
Remarkable shift in rhetoric for US president

…“we can all pitch in by being better conservers of energy. I mean people just need to recognize that the storms have caused disruption and that if they are able to maybe not drive, on a trip that’s not essential, that would be helpful”…
…“We can curtail non-essential travel. If it makes sense for the citizen out there, it darn sure makes sense for federal employees. We can encourage employees to carpool or use mass transit.”

Finally, he sees it. It’s about time. However, I still say Bush Jr. is one of the stupidest sounding presidents…"I mean…" "darn sure"…c’mon now!

We’ve been watching the Megacities series on the National Geographic Channel. It really is a wonderful series. With each city, they pick one or two key ‘organs’ and peel away the layers to explain how it works. So far, we’ve caught Las Vegas (my fav so far…I’ve never liked Vegas and now I absolutely detest it…about where did all that power comes from in the middle of the desert and the wastage that comes from that), Mumbi (crazy crazy train system), Mexico City (Mother Nature’s targeting that city…pretty much a place I don’t wanna be), and Paris (all about sewage…and the worst job in the world).

I wonder why our education in school did not focus more on what makes our cities work. Yeah, we learnt some of it in our elementary geography classes but those were too cursory to be remembered. I say, scrap away all the vacuous attempted brain-washing "social studies" time about nationalism, cultural unity, 5 pillars of defence and what not. Teach the students the dirty gritty underground of their city/country, drill into them where their water and electricity comes from and where their shit goes to, and what happens when we pollute the air, or when things stop working due to inconsiderate human habits (littering in the street causes clogging in sewers, etc). They will more likely grow up to be more aware & considerate about their usage and more proud of their city than any empty talk about nationalism can do.

It was time for another Detention Class karaoke session, and someone (jamesweber?) somewhere sometime suggested that we threw a Bad Taste Party, where everyone showed up in their Baddest Taste clothes. Now, Bad Taste is quite a subtle thing…it is easy to dress up for some crazy costume Halloween party, but Bad Taste? That just takes skill. Some of us suceeded. Some of us didn’t. It’s your call, but I think the winner (scroll down for details) is quite unanimous. (scroll over for more captions)

Matt in his KISS shirt that someone bought him for Christmas (let’s hope it was Christmas’83); Jacob & friend who were two-timing us with their 2nd "A-list" party, i.e. dress up in something beginning with an "A", make a guess what they were.

Patrick was the sore disappointment for the night. It was partially my fault. He’d planned to go to Chinatown earlier to get a loud ‘auntie’ top, but I just couldn’t wake up from my nap. His ‘Bad Taste’ excuse…"my greens don’t match". Booooh… 

Han, Eugene, Eileen and T-bone did slightly better, but I thought they turned out looking more hip than Bad Taste.

I thought I did ok…a little tarty navel-baring, loud patterned skirt AND loud patterned top, 80s style earrings and over-done rouge

Michael shows us how to do it

Then James shows up and we all thought we had a winner. That weird red bowling-slash-pyjama top with the words "Rod" in front and "Big Red" behind, red pants, red shoes, Dr. Suess socks (unseen), and a Chinaman hat…Kierin was pretty bad too, with matching flowery top, bottoms and sandals…but she looked too frump-a-licious.

And then, just as James triumphantly thought "aha! I’m the King of Bad Taste!", *trumpet*…here comes Sir Alec the Lionheart, marching in with…*trumpet*…SPANDEX, thereby blowing all competition out of the water! HURRAH! HURRAH! *trumpets* *trumpets*! James cowers in the background, defeated, utterly defeated. We all rush to Sir Alec, grabbing, him, taking pictures with him…

…Sir Alec, while loving the attention, keeps his loving eye on "my Greens don’t match" St. Patrick…deep in pity for poor St. Patrick’s poor Bad Taste outfit?

"There, there" said Sir Alec, "one day, you’ll be a grown man and wear spandex for your lovely lady too, just like I do for mine. Look how she caresses me as I do you."

Overwhelmed by the beauty of that arse in spandex, we all went crazy…

Whatta laugh. Here’s us with the Champion. KK stands in her lawyer outfit, which is in utter Bad Taste to her.

Alright…one more picture of Spandex Party Boy…

 "A young fellow like you, with a big lad on you, should be a gay porn star. ‘Twould be putting your willy to some good use, not like your father who does nothing but annoy me with his." (reference)

…was really great last night. We met Christian (drummer/singer) almost 2 years ago. He was a roomate of Pat’s ex-roomate with whom we crashed over when we were in NYC. We saw the band in SF half a year later at DNA Lounge and they were spectacular, but relatively not-known. Now, they have flown halfway across the world to play in Singapore. Not bad, not bad.

I’ve always loved live house-performances, but the only thing ‘live’ about those would be the vocals, i.e. you have a singer and a DJ backing him/her. Tortured Soul comprises a keyboard, drums/singer, and a bass, and they were truly outstanding. Their performance definitely took a step or 2 up from 2 years before. Then, they were straight house. Last night, they played largely house music, but thrown in some interesting reggae/D&B hybrids. It’s so awesome to see raw talent just jamming away on stage. Very good. I detest going out on week-nights. It is too hard to get up the next morning for work. But damn, they were worth the struggle this morning.

So I am throwing myself into the abyss and signed up for the CFA exam for June 2006. sigh. I will probably been moaning and groaning about it more as the time nears, but I am also quite excited about studying for it. I had never taken any finance/acconting courses at Berkeley, but am finding it quite fascinating while learning it on the job. So it will be good to concretize what I have learnt on the job into a textbook learning.

Irony of ironies (my brother told me this), when you google "CFA", the Cat Fanciers’ Association is the first hit, and the Chartered Financial Analyst Institute comes up 2nd. Blimey! Who are these crazy cat people??? For an anti-cat person (ya gotta check this Cowardly Cat’s comments out. He/She is great. They make it way too easy) that just takes the cake.

I bought a humidifier last night. Before anyone goes "why the hell do you need a humidifier in 99.99% humidity Singapore??", the answer is actually more ridiculous: we pay to have the air-con on every night, and now I need a humidifier cos the air gets too dry and my throat hurts every morning and my nose stuffs up. They need to come up with air-cons with a build in humidifier (or have they already?).

So I bought this humidifier last night at the lobby of Tiong Bahru Plaza. Other than the fact that it is shaped like a mushroom, it comes with the best set of instructions. We’ve all bought gadgets made in China, where you get poorly translated instructions with mis-spellings, grammatical errors, etc. But this product was so sketchy that there wasn’t even a "Made in XXX" sign (I have a strong suspicion it’s actually Made in Singapore). And the English in this one takes it to another level of poor English. It goes beyond bad English…it’s more like yoda-speak, it has created its own structure…and universe. I think the writer was on shrooms. All typos are deliberate, with punctuation and capital letters the way it was written.

Operation Method:

1. putting the unit in the suitable place

2. enclose behind picking up putting water water container pour into pure water or behind the clean running water suitable, twist and enter water enclose, confirm and after tightenning, insert corresponding position of the top cover in. Mention fog Taoist temple examine atomization block have in. (fig 2)

fog Taoist temple??? Wait wait, it gets better at point 8:

8. Container when being anhydrous, lack of water protect fuction start, humidifier stop spray, lack after the water reporting to the police and stop and report to the police one minute, delay time and start the machine one minute, if one minute add water start the machine automatically, add water the complete machine quited work After the 5 minutes.

wait, did I just read something about reporting to the police?? …yes I did! 

9. When start the machine and lack water under the function state of mode, report to the police and stop and report to the police one minute too, can automatic shut-down, change into every to measure one water level one minute, the water level, when being in the critical location, bubble will shake float, change into every to measure once 2 minutes, until the switch disconnection of the water level.  

This goes on for another 3 pages. Dude…I have the coolest shroom humidifier. Taoist temple, bubble, shake, float and the police all in one.

Fat Cat doesn’t like Mr Shroom. I like Mr Shroom more. It kinda works too. I definitely didn’t wake up feeling as dehydrated, but I think I’d need to blast Mr Shroom more.

P.S. Before anyone starts slamming about how this may be condescending to the person who wrote this (;p), boo on you cos I find this absolutely hilarious.

Someone from Berkeley’s SMSA posted this article, Singapore and Katrina from the NYT:

Indeed, Singapore believes so strongly that you have to get the best-qualified and least-corruptible people you can into senior positions in the government, judiciary and civil service that its pays its prime minister a salary of $1.1 million a year. It pays its cabinet ministers and Supreme Court justices just under $1 million a year, and pays judges and senior civil servants handsomely down the line… …

Singapore maintained a tradition of good governance because as a country of only four million people with no natural resources, it had to live by its wits. It needed to run its economy and schools in a way that would extract the maximum from each citizen, which is how four million people built reserves of $100 billion.

Hmm…I think Mr Friedman is being a little optimistic here. No doubt, I think Singapore did a pretty damn good job. But as Janadas Devan, an ST columnist was quoted at the end of the article:

"Today’s conservatives…believe in no government, and therefore conclude that there is no need for a country to pay for even the government that it does have. … [But] it is not only government that doesn’t show up when government is starved of resources and leached of all its meaning. Community doesn’t show up either, sacrifice doesn’t show up, pulling together doesn’t show up, ‘we’re all in this together’ doesn’t show up."

If Singapore experiences a disaster where community and government is at a breaking point, I really question who will show up.

Pat’s temp job in SG is to update a marketing database, i.e. call people and ask them if their information is still valid and request for info like email/website. Ang moh talking to aunties/uncles over the phone makes for some funny conversation. Most are natural miscommunications (e.g. whenever he tells the taxi drive to "turn it up", he always gets the "HAR?". I told him to use plain words like "louder" if he wants the music louder, not up). Like here. Some is just to fuck with them, like here. He’s posted quite a few of his rants on his msg board. Here are some that cracked me up (DT is Deep Throat):

*** 

DT: Does Jumbo Co have a website?
Aunty: Yes, it’s ww.jumboco.com.sg
DT: You mean, www.jumboco.com.sg
Aunty: No, there are three W’s, it’s ww.jumboco.com.sg
DT: Oh, I understand it’s www.jumboco.com.sg
Aunty: yes, with three W’s 

***

DT: Is there a Ms. Chung working there as Manager?
Aunty: Yes.
DT: Is Chung her surname, because all I have listed is Chung?
Aunty: (laughing) Oh no no no! It is not her married name.
DT: Ok could I have her last name please?
Aunty: It’s Jean, her name is Jean Chung. 

***

DT: May I have David’s first name?
Aunty: Attention to David can also.
DT: So, we’ll list him as David Can Also.
Aunty: Can.
DT: Wait, I thought you said it was Can Also.
Aunty: yes.
DT: So, will I label him as David Can or David Can Also?
Aunty: what?
DT: what?
Aunty: just attention to David can
DT: So I will attention to David Can, not David Can Also.
Aunty: yes.
DT: Ok. 

***

DT: Hello Mr. Lee, Patrick here from M__ Magazine could I please have your first name, so that we can send our publication to the right person?
Mr. Lee: just Lee.
DT: Great, so I’ll attention it to a Lee Lee.
Mr. Lee: No No! Who is this?
DT: This is Patrick from M__ Magazine.
Mr. Lee: Patrick, what is this regarding? Where are you calling from? What do you want?
DT: Patrick here from M__ Magazine could I please have your first name, so that we can send our publication to the right person?
Mr. Lee: just attention to HR, Patrick.
DT: So, I will attn. it to HR Patrick Lee?
Mr. Lee: No No, Patrick! Lee!
DT: So then you want me to attn it to Patrick Lee?
Mr. Lee: (a frustrated Mr. Lee) No, attn. it to HR.
DT: Would that make your first name Patrick or HR?
this goes on for about 30 more seconds….